Two of our favorite watercooler talking points lately has been the growth of Barstool Sports and the hit Showtime drama Billions. It occurs to me that all empires seem to have the same characters running around. So, here is the who’s who if Barstool was Billions. (Follow us on Instagram for more dumb stuff like this.)

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Dave Portnoy – Bobby Axelrod:

This one is a given, both have built their empire brick by brick, both have egos the size of their wallet and both will do anything to keep on going. Plus, they love the ponies.

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Stoolsalesguy – Wags:

The second in command. Both of these guys know all of the gossips, all of the secrets and they know how to use those tools to the strongest effect. They not only know where the bodies are buried, some of them they put there themselves. One would never be shocked to learn they died in a drug-fueled orgy on an island in the Atlantic.

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CEO Erika – Wendy Rhodes:

These two women know how to handle an office full of misfits and overachievers with fragile egos. It takes a strong woman to quickly put out fires the size that these offices seem to build.  Also, they both like leather pants. (wide eye emoji)

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Deadspin Freelancers – Chuck Rhodes:

The weasel looking nemesis who will make their career or die trying on the downfall of our “heros”.  Are we supposed to root for them? Do they actually make Axe/Barstool more powerful? We contend that they cannot exist without one another but it is getting a little sad that their sole purpose on this earth has become to take down the empires we love to root for.

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KFC – Dollar Bill Stern:

Both are key players to their respective companies. Both have questionable morals, shady ethics and work too much but both offices would be lost without their presence.

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Feitelberg – Hall:

“What gets me off would disturb you on such a deep level, you’d be best served never to think about it again.” One of these two has said this. See, even you can’t figure out who.

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Nate- Taylor:

Savants? Weirdos? They/them? Both may well be a genius at what they do but nobody can figure out exactly what that is. People often wonder what would happen to Axe Cap/Barstool if their leaders were suddenly to die, my money is on Taylor and Nate taking over and actually somehow doing a good job of things.

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Francis – Mafee:

Both offer comedic relief to an often overworked and underappreciated office. Both are borderline psychopaths and might snap at any minute but also have a softness that is endearing.

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Bigcat – Orrin Batch:

These two might be the only things holding the boss from taking the ship over the cliff. Some might call them middlemen but they always have the best interest at heart. They are tight with those inside and outside of their respective offices and keep things running smoothly. Smart, loyal and no need for a diet either.

More: Have you seen the pee drawer?


  

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