Rants

“Help me! I don’t want to be here!”

“Help me! I don’t want to be here!”

We don’t often step into the fray of politics here at Relevant Dad, it’s not really our place. We do however from time to time feel the need to reflect on current events and speak up on behalf of our children and our future. There is a whole lot to unpackage about the shooting at Alexandria VA directed at House Republicans, their staffers, and colleagues. Motives, responses, plans going forward etc, but we cannot help but look back at the last decade or more of shootings here in America and just grow sicker and sicker. Day after day, week after week these events keep happening. The collective damage these shootings have on us and our kids are unknown in full but we know it cannot be healthy. The incremental tapping on our psyches will one day punch through into something horrifying that we will not come back from without the help of each other. Below is a video that was taken at the scene of the shooting, watching it is truly terrifying. A little over 25 shots are heard coming from the deranged man’s SKS assault rifle. Now, if you can pretend that you are cowering in your first or second or

Day after day, week after week these events keep happening. The collective damage these shootings have on us and our kids are unknown in full but we know it cannot be healthy. The incremental tapping on our psyches will one day punch through into something horrifying that we will not come back from without the help of each other. Below is a video that was taken at the scene of the shooting, watching it is truly terrifying. A little over 25 shots are heard coming from the deranged man’s SKS assault rifle. Now, if you can… pretend that you are cowering in your first or second or

Now, if you can… pretend that you are cowering in your first or second or third-grade classroom and you endure hearing that sound 154 times in the span of 4-5 minutes but indoors, surrounded by your friend’s screams and cries. Then the terrifying silence that follows. Imagine that for a second and then tell us that nothing should be done to get stronger background checks in a place. Tell us after imagining that horror those six-year-olds ensured that you don’t think stricter laws are needed in this country where gun violence is now met with a shrug of the shoulders by the very leaders we elect to protect us.

Huddled in the back corner of the classroom bathroom a first-grade girl heard a classmate who was surrounded by his dead friends proclaim  “Help me! I don’t want to be here!” to which the man with mental issues and a M4 Bushmaster responded, “Well, you’re here.” Then the gunshots started up again.

We don’t have to be here anymore. Please visit https://everytown.org/.

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Rocking Fatherhood With Chris Kornelis

Rocking Fatherhood With Chris Kornelis

When we heard that writer Chris Kornelis was putting out a book called Rocking Fatherhood: The Dad-To-Be’s Guide to Staying Cool we knew we were going to love it. Then add the forward from one of our childhood heroes Duff McKagen and we were more than sold. The book is a must have for any new or expecting dad  (or mom), so much so that we caught up with Chris last week and picked his dad brain on a few different things.

One of the big takeaways from Rocking Fatherhood for us is your mantra about doing what is best for your family. That is a pretty unique stance in the modern parenting world where media sites (ourselves included) urge new parents to take this advice or buy this miracle product. Was that mindset easy for you and your family to come to or did it take time?

From the beginning, I think we were pretty level-headed about it. But, as time went on and we started looking under the hood at the recommendations, it became clear that the best thing for the baby is what’s best for the family, and that we should feel good about living the life that we think is best for all of us.

Recommendations often leave very little room for nuance. But when you talk to experts in these fields, they’re usually much more measured and reasonable. The vast majority of them told me, generally, the most important thing is that the family’s happy and that the baby’s loved and taken care of.

What is harder, getting a rock star to sit down long enough for a substantive interview or getting a toddler to sit down for dinner?

That’s a good question, but, in my experience, neither is very hard. Rock stars are usually more than happy to talk about themselves. And my kids, like their dad, rarely skip a meal. You see what I did there? I’m trying to not say “good eater.” I’ve been a good eater my whole life, but at some point, people stopped congratulating my mom.

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Father’s Day is coming up, what does your perfect Father’s Day look like?

As long as I’m with my family, I’m good. But, perfect? All of us – my two brothers and their families – meet up at my parents’ house at 10 a.m. for brunch, which involves bacon, cheese, eggs and leftovers. Then at noon my younger brother, Simon, brings out some Tomahawk Rib Eyes. Then we all hang out, play outside and talk about wool for a couple hours and snack on Chinese Barbecue from Kau Kau – a joint in Seattle that’s my son’s favorite (OK, our favorite). Around 4, we break into the brisket and a little red wine. Once the kids are in bed, we start watching the Godfather and I fall asleep before Marlon Brando has a heart attack. That’s best case scenario. The reality is I’m out before the end of the wedding. (more…)

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Men Want to Spend More Time at Home – Even if it Means Taking a Pay Cut

Men Want to Spend More Time at Home – Even if it Means Taking a Pay Cut

Shireen Kanji, University of Leicester

We’re all familiar with what sociologists call “the traditional family”: a straight, married couple, with a male breadwinner who works long hours to support his family, while the woman stays home, takes care of the domestic work, and rears the children. Feminists have long campaigned against the factors which ensure that this the only option – for both men and women. Now, it appears that male breadwinners aren’t too happy with it either.

New research has shown that male breadwinners in high-status jobs, such as managerial roles, are more likely to want to cut back their working hours than other men: even if it involves a drop in their salary.

All work and no play

Here, we use the term “male breadwinners” to describe men who earn the majority of a straight couple’s income. We were unable to include same sex couples in our analysis, because limitations in the data restricted our ability to do so.

Using data on about 4,000 men from 12 western European countries, we found that male breadwinners work longer hours than single men, men who are equal earners and men whose female partner is the breadwinner. Of course, this is partly because male breadwinners have a partner who can take care of most of the domestic work, which enables them to stay at work later or start earlier. (more…)

What I Want For Father’s Day: 24 Hours to Act Like We Are 24 Again

What I Want For Father’s Day: 24 Hours to Act Like We Are 24 Again

Yeah, I mean that new album is really cool so is the bottle of scotch you got me but do you know what I really want for Father’s Day this year? I want you my darling for 24 uninterrupted hours to myself. Let’s start after work on Friday okay? Send the kids to your parents and let’s pretend we are 24 again.happyhourRelevantDad

Meet me for happy hour at that charming dive bar that we frequented just after college. You know the one with the free wings and sticky floors with the amazing smell of youth and wasted afternoons? Then let’s go downtown to the club and see who is playing. I just want to feel your body against mine as you scream woo-hoo and wave your one hand in the air as you spill some of your drink on my jeans with the other. When the crowd thins out let’s find a late night taco truck and scarf down some carnitas and al pastor. I will be sure to tell them to hold the cilantro. See, I remember.

Then let’s stumble around downtown and people watch through all of the windows at all of the young lovers who will be where we are in 10 years. There is a park bench on the way back to the car where we once sat eating ice cream and talking about the names of our future kids, let’s sit there for awhile as you rest your head on my shoulder trying not to fall asleep. When we get back home let’s stow all of the rubber ducks and squeeze into the bath together with big glasses of wine and just soak in the night alone. Let’s get drunk like we used to when it was just me and you on a random Friday. We can put on the Bright Eyes album we fell in love to and pretend we’re back in our first apartment. You remember the one right, with the dripping sink and the upstairs neighbors who stomped around all night? Then, then bed.trailsadventure.com (2)

I don’t care when you wake up just stay in bed with me until at least 9. Stop thinking about the laundry, the full dishwasher and resist the urge to be productive. Just lay here. Just snooze for awhile. Then we can hop in the shower together for as long as we can stand it when we then fall back into bed where we can spend as long as we want being thankful that we are so familiar with each other’s bodies. Some things do get better with time.

At this point of the morning, we can stumble out into the Saturday and grab brunch without skipping on the Bellinis. Eggs Benedict, frites, frittata, and plenty of coffee. Is there anything better than 5-course breakfasts? On our way home let’s pick up Starbucks to go and crash on the couch spending the next few hours clearing off the DVR. We still have episodes from last Fall to watch and frankly that is embarrassing for everyone. I’d say let’s grab steak and cheese subs from our favorite deli but the thought of getting up and driving is horrid. So let’s order cheap Chinese and not be stingy about it. I expect the bill to be over $35 like it was when we used egg rolls to soak up the cheap beer. (more…)

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